Mypalmike's Rare Caption Contest

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I also very much liked these ones, in order of arrival:

The sex is great, though he's not much at cuddling afterward.
By JohnnyB

"Room service? I'd like the turkey club and an iced tea please. And could you give me a side order of three live mice? Yes, that will be all."
By Richard Hine

Hello, Adam? It's Eve. I have someone you simply HAVE to meet. Okay, about an hour at the orchard. See you then!
By Lauren

Maude, listen to me...just listen..I am telling you, Maude, once you have a snake you will never, ever consider a steady boy friend. Oh, and Maude...what deodorant do you use? Hold on, there is some jackass at the door from the future. FedEx? Just what the hell is FedEx?
By AXXel

You won't believe the new app on my phone.
By scott evans

"Hello, do you have...giggle...Prince Albert in the can?"
By Kathy H

"Ladyboy Godiva's Palace of Pleasure. Uh huh, oh yeah. 5. No, not 5 inches, 5 feet. Green. Smells? Florida wetlands in the summertime. No, you heard that right. Uh, huh, silk. I made it myself on this here table I use for sewing, ironing, and spanking naughty boys like you."
By Dirk McGirk

"Yo,Dolemite, why you be sendin' me on these freaky jobs. You told me this f__king John said he had a snake in his pants and I was like, been there done that, honey. And then poof, it's a mother f__king real snake!".
By greggo72

And of course:
Tim, here's the deal...Mike's dead. You can have the site for $10. Your bid of $5.00 is just a little insulting to his memory and all. Yes, you can have the god damn snake. What the hell is it with you guys?
By AXXel

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